my own blog :))

2011-12-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

i am trying very hard.

really very hard.

negative thoughts and feelings are taking all over

all over again.

i thought i can let go.

but i cant.

I Am Sorry.

Sorry for everything.

All I Need is a Chance

just one chance.
just one will do.
please.

2011-12-20T01:34:00.000-08:00

i wanna walk in the rain again soon.

2011-12-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

so many things on my mind again.

i wanna rewind back time.
i really want to.
i wanna go back to the way we were.

2011-12-10T04:57:00.000-08:00

i need to learn this.

2011-12-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

easier said than done.

so tired.

2011-11-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

好累好累。

真的累了。

2011-10-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

i can only make lotsa wishes upon the stars.

2011-10-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

will 2 people who have met the right person

at exactly the wrong time

be able to give love another chance ?

should i or should i not ?

confused.

2011-08-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

walking down memory lane!

reliving lots of memories.

looking through all the photos.

blog quite a few new entries.

blogging is a fun and nice thing to do :)

woots shall blog more often! hohoho :))

2011-08-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

~ Class SM photo ~

the only complete class photo that we took

during our last sem in clementi ite :')

wonder how most of them are doing now.

most of us split up after grad

and havent keep in contact much

our last class gathering was like back in march?

but its kinda like a failed one

cuz only 8 people turned up :'(

some busy working, some in army,

some overseas, some busy studying.

looking back at those days spent in ite

i am really glad that i make the right choice.

without ite, i wouldnt have ended up where i am right now

being able to get a second chance at studying dip in np!

sometimes i do wonder, if after my o levels,

i havent make the decision to study in ite

where and what would i be doing now?

wandering around aimlessly, without any dip :/

whew so glad that i make the right decision 4 years back

whewwwwwwwww :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Miss Hani's wedding portrait!

she look so pretty!

perfect match with her husband! heehee :)

really happy for her! and really touched too!

to receive her invitation to her wedding back in may

still keeping in contact with her hohoho :)

miss her lots! awesome teacher too! :')

hope she is leading a great and happy life now

together with her husband!

shall meet up with her soon too! hohoho :))

2011-08-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

~ Miss Loh's wedding! :D ~

attended her wedding at pan pacific hotel!

spent close to $160 for her present and red packet :o

but i dont mind hohoho :)

she the best teacher i ever known in ycss!

and the teacher that i am closest to the most

throughout my 4 years in ycss :)

really needa thanks her for all the encouragement

she give me throughout my sec sch life

my form and chinese teacher from sec 2 to 4

and the military band teacher ic for 4 years straight :)

great and awesome teacher ttm! :)

really feel happy for her! :')

seeing her leading a blissful married life

with her husband, Mr Phua :)

also a chinese teacher in ycss! :)

miss her lots! shall head back to ycss soon!

and visit her and the other teachers as well as ycmb!

visit the conductor Miss Tan and my lovely saxys juniors!

since its poly holidays now hohoho :)

♥ my lovely saxys juniors! ♥

been a long time since i catch up with them

each and everyone been so busy with studies

and such that we havent met up since march

woots shall arrange another outing again soon!

since all of us are having poly holidays now :D

2011-08-16T02:44:00.000-07:00

primary school memories!
taken when i was P4 at JPS i think
this is the only photo i had
of me during my primary school days :'(
still remember my form teacher is Mrs Jenny Teo!
but alas, after i left jps and entered ycss
she left jps too. not sure when she went to after that :'(

anddddddd goodness me!
havent went back to jps for a long time already

ever since like 5 years ago, when i graduated from ycss :o

miss my primary school life lots
those days were filled with fun, lotsa friends
lotsa playing around, not listening during classes :p
and many more fun days and things :')

ahhhhh! maybe should go back visit jps one day!
though its changed so much since i left there
its now merged with blps to form a new school
if i am not wrong. thats the last i heard of jps :'(
think most of the teachers i knew had all left already ?
and i wonder how my primary school friends are doing now.
havent met up with them since ages ago :o
keeping contact with them mainly through fb only :/
cuz its been like 9 years since i graduated from jps :o
thats like so longggggggggg ago! :o

2011-08-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

♥ family ♥

photos photos and more photos :)

looking through all the photo albums

that my parents kept in their room :)

so manyyyyyyyyyy photos albums!

spent close to 2hrs looking through all

so many memories flashbacks too :')

my whole family ♥

first holiday trip we had i think hoho :)

during the christmas season

on board superstar virgo

if i dont remember wrongly :)

so funnnnnnnn!

woots really love all the photos
the above 2 photos was taken in april 1993
18 years back :o so longlong ago :o
taken shortly after my younger brother, Louis was born :)
he is so small sized back then, so cute! :')
and cant help smiling at the funny expressions
my twinny brother and i were making :')
awwwwwww miss those times lots :')

was during cny period, i think, when this photo was taken

though i cant remember which year was it :/

i look so sleepy and bored in the photo haha :p

and my younger brother's expression so cute haha :p

my younger brother Louis
and my cousin TeeHao :)

taken during cny one year too!
both boys have grown up so much now o.o
how fast time passes by :'(

Louis's photo taken during graduation

after K2 hoho :) so cute and smart!

but me sadded much

cuz i cant find mine and my 2 brothers grad photos :'(

maybe cameras werent invented at that time yet :'(

thats why theres no photos of ours :'(

theres so much more photos too

shall upload it on my blog next time hoho :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

flipping through all the photo albums

looking through all the photos

really bring back so much memories

somehow if only theres a time machine invented

that can enable us to go back to the past

and relive all the good old memories

how nice and great it would be

but thats totally impossible i guess. oh wells ~

those memories will be forever in our heart :')

♥♥ me love my family ♥♥

2011-08-10T03:40:00.000-07:00

~ childhood memories ~

was packing some things in my cupboard

and found so many stuffs hidden

and kept away in my cupboard hoho :)

didnt realised i brought so much stuffs last time

hmmm i cant remember it very well

but i bought this cute collection last time

snow white and the 7 dwarfs haha :)

so cute as i take a look at all the 8 figurines i had

my favourite among them all haha :) so cute!

my first piggybank! :)

cant remember where i bought it from though =/

guess theres no more production of it already.

bobo the baby boy - piggybank haha :)

my diaries! didnt know i used to write diaries

in the past, when i was still in primary school haha :)

reading all the entries made me smile and cry at the same time

so many memories, all the fun and joy

reminiscing all the past times and experiences

of 6 years of my primary school life hoho :)

shall post another entry on my primary school life later on hoho :)

found back my sticker album too!

so many nice and cute stickers inside

those that i collected last time haha :)

surprisingly, most still stick well

although its been like 10 years ago

when i start collecting them haha :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

cant bear to throw away all those stuffs that i found

even though my cupboard are running out of space

to store all my things haha :) i shall keep it still hoho :)

still got so much stuffs that i found

but didnt take pictures of all though

spent a long time packing through all of it

while stopping every now and then

to look through all the things slowly

awwww memories flooding back :'(

treasuring each and every piece of memories

♥♥♥♥♥

because theres no such ability to rewind back

the time and go back to the past again

no matter how much we want to :'(

2011-08-03T04:57:00.000-07:00

i need a getaway.

2011-07-29T04:26:00.000-07:00

so many things on my mind right now.
came across some photos just now
and a sudden surge of emotions
came flooding all at one go.
memories promises lies feelings
pain hurt upset you me her
came flooding back into my mind.
so painful and hurtful. upsetting.
overwhelming emotions.

that day is coming soon. 5 years ago.

do you still remember ?

the promises you made?

i still do.

history is repeating itself all over again.

2011-07-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

2011-07-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

No truth can cure the sadness we feel from losing a loved one.

No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness, can cure that sadness.

All we can do is see that sadness through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sadness that comes to us without warning.

2011-07-06T04:52:00.000-07:00

我们再也回不去。

《日久生情，才是真的缘份。　喜欢你的人：要你的现在。　爱你的人：要你的未来。。》

真正的爱情，不是一见钟情，而是日久生情；

真正的缘份，不是上天的安排，而是你的主动；

真正的自卑，不是你不优秀，而是你把她想得太优秀；

真正的关心，不是你认为好的就要求她改变，而是她的改变你是第一个发现的；

真正的矛盾，不是她不理解你，而是你不会宽容她。

我们一直觉得妥协一些、将就一些、容忍一些可以得到幸福。

但当你的底线放得越低，你得到的就是更低的那个结果！不是吗?

不要因为寂寞爱错人，更不要因为爱错人而寂寞一生，尝试信任才能得到幸福。

缘分是本书，翻的不经意会错过，读得太认真会泪流。

女人会记得让她笑的男人，男人会记得让他哭的女人，

可是女人总是留在让她哭的男人身边，男人却留在让他笑的女人身边。

多少人在说，

我会等你，等你回心转意的那一天；

我会等你，等你愿意和我在一起的那一天；

我会等你，等你离开那个人来到我身边的那一天；

我会等你，等你……然而人们可曾知道，

世上的爱情，没有几份真的经得起等待！

这个世界上最残忍的一句话，不是对不起，也不是我恨你，

而是，我们再也回不去。

就是这样再简单不过的一句话，生生的将两个原本亲密的人隔为疏离。

没有经历过的人，永远都不会明白，那是怎样的一种切肤之痛。

最宝贵的东西不是你拥有的物质，而是陪伴在你身边的人。

不能强迫别人来爱自己，只能努力让自己成为值得爱的人，其余的事情则靠缘分。

爱总是会使我们有太多期许：

希望长久，希望不会分别，希望占有和实现。

而最终只是觉得有些许厌倦，不知道该往哪里去。

爱情就是这样，有些人会慢慢遗落在岁月的风尘里，

哭过，笑过，吵过，闹过，再恋恋不舍也都只是曾经。

世界上最动人的情话，不是“我爱你”，

而是在我需要的时候，你说“ I’ll be there ” 。

每一个不敢再爱的女人，一定很深的爱过。

看起来好象百毒不侵，其实早已百毒侵身。

女人好比梨，外甜内酸。

吃梨的人不知道梨的心是酸的，因为吃到最后就把心扔了，

所以男人从来不懂女人的心。

男人就好比洋葱，

想要看到男人的心就需要一层一层去剥！

但在剥的过程中你会不断流泪，剥到最后你才知道洋葱是没心的。

爱情里最忌讳的是：两人都幻想着彼此的未来，却也总惦记着对方的过去。

2011-07-03T03:56:00.000-07:00

2011-07-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

its been a really long long time ago

i should really start finding the courage and strength

to just let go of everything.

but i really hate this feeling.

this feeling sucks more than anything else.

i am really feeling sick and tired

sick and tired of all your lies and promises

why have i not changed over the past few years?

i am still as foolish stupid and immature

as i were a few years back.

and its sucks.

really hate this feeling a lot.

why cant i be stronger?

and why must i always rely on someone?

on someone who is bound to disappoint me time and time again.

as much as i know i shouldnt give you any more chances

i hate myself for always giving you that another one chance

and forgiving you countless times
allowing you to hurt me time and time again.

you wont ever understand the pain and hurt you caused me

simply because you dont even care about it anymore.

how many more times do you want to hurt me again?

why cant this stop? i cant take it anymore.

really cant. i am not as strong as you think.

i need a breather soon.

and i just wanna run away from everything right now.

its just so hard to keep up that pretense anymore.

2011-06-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

2011-06-22T05:06:00.000-07:00

promises.

what are promises to you?

why do you go around making promises to me?

only to break them in the end?

to you, breaking promises is fine.

to you, promises are meant to be broken.

but not to me. get it ?

i am really tired and hurt.

by all your actions and broken promises.

but the fact that i hate the most,

is that even after all the pain and hurt you put me through,

i will still forgive you if you asked me to.

i really hate myself for that.

2011-06-17T23:43:00.000-07:00

so many things on my mind :(

cant get rid of all those thoughts

cant sleep well at night

can i have a change of heart and mind please ? :(

2011-06-14T08:10:00.001-07:00

IMY! i miss you very much.

yet i cant say or do anything about it.

and this feeling sucks much :(

i wanna tell you about it too

but just cant find the courage to do so :(

i miss you very much still :(

2011-06-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

painful memories flashbacks.

a visit to the past.

i am always the one putting in most of the efforts.

always the one giving more and trying my very best.

but why do i feel like as though, what i am receiving

is way lesser than what i think i deserve ?

am i really expecting too much ?

its so tough to put on a pretense

its really tough pretending to be happy

and putting on that fake smile and being cheerful

when one is in pain and feeling upset about some stuffs.

i wish that i can dont care and dont give a damm about certain stuffs

messed - up heart.

i needa have a good rest and sleep real badly.

i need a break from everything and everyone.

time to save some time for myself too.

2011-06-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

i really wish that you had not lied to me back then.

argh feeling really lousy and fucked up now

crying in the middle of the night is such a daily routine now.

i dunno what to do ... but i think i really need a getaway

i think i am really going to go crazy soon

argh just fuck everything. fucked - up life indeed.

ps: imy so fucking much!

but the feeling of not being able to do anything
its a thousand times worse.
nobody will ever understand. not even you.

2011-06-03T04:07:00.000-07:00

i miss you. very much. i really do.

can we hang out everyday now like how we used to?

i miss talking to you. i miss hearing your voice.

i miss those long talks that we used to have.

i miss lying comfortably on your shoulder.

i miss those days, those awesome band days lots

where we would eat together before going for practice

where we would be going back into the small little band room

where we would be setting up our instruments together

where we will play together , warm up together

help one another get in tune, and then play nice pieces together

where we will talk to one another, making one another laugh

making one another happy by cracking some jokes

miss those days where we will wear our band uniform together

perform together in school performances , for competitions and concerts

where we will take dozens of photos together.
and have lotsa fun on the back stage together

i really miss those days lots ="(((

but most of all, i miss you the most <3

ps: if only i could turn back the time. how great it would be.

i really miss you. very much. i really do.

can i get another chance ? please ?

2011-05-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

we are falling apart.

somehow or rather we all arent as close as we used to be

so hard to find some common topics to talk about nowadays

whenever we are together.

maybe cuz changes are taking place.

each of us found better friends

and better topics to talk about with others

i really hate this feeling.

we are really growing further and further apart.

i miss you. the old you. very much.

but sad to say, we wont be as close as we used to be.

but then, theres nothing that i can do.

i must accept it and move on.

move on vonne. move on.

there are better things around.

2011-05-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

i need some time alone. to think through certain stuffs.

the words you said to me is still ringing in my head up till now.

i hope you can see how much your actions and words

hurt me to the extent that i wanna avoid everyone.

there are some things that i wish i hadn't done at all.

some decisions that i wish i hadn't made at all.

everything is so different now. everything had changed.

you changed. she changed. i changed.

but i am still holding on. to all the memories.

to all the times that we went through together.

you were with me throughout the best periods of my life.

but halfway through, everything changed.

you left. you never look back.

but i stayed. i stayed on. in the same spot.

and really hurtfully. you werent with me.

throughout the worst periods of my life.

its the worst kind of pain that i had ever experienced .

i havent let you go. in my heart. in my mind.

i cant find a reason to let go. call me stubborn.

but i really cant find a reason to let go.

letting go of you really hurts like hell.

thats something i wont be able to do.

falling in love is easy, staying in love in a challenge,

letting go is the hardest part and moving on is damn suicide.

its a fucked up feeling, to be honest.

the past. no matter how hard you try not to think about it,

there are sometimes when all the hurtful memories

will come rushing back. especially at night.

you wont be able to stop it. no matter how hard you try.

ps: sometimes i wished things had turn out differently.

i still miss you. very much.

2011-05-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

the truth is hurting me so much.

hearing your hurtful words.

i had never really let go at all.

its really hurts. i really cant take it anymore.

my heart is brimming with hurt and sadness.

tears. uncontrollable. its running down. thick and fast.

for the first time i just broke down like nobody business.

first time i feel so weak.

you know what ?

the words you said to me , i wont ever forget it

going to have tons of sleepless nights again

crying myself to sleep. but will you ever care ?

at times like this, i really wish and hope

that you are here by my side.

i need you now. that badly.

i am sorry.

2011-05-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

why ? why did i even fall for you in the first place ?

painful decisions. troubled heart.

imy. really. yes. but i feel so helpless.

cuz i am unable to do anything about it.

2011-05-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

you are happy right now. i am aware of this fact.

but i am not happy at all. i have to admit it.

i still miss you. and yes i still do love you.

part of me is still hanging on , refusing to let go.

even though i know eventually , i have no other choice

no matter how unwilling i am

there comes a day where i will have to let you go

there comes a day where i have to watch you leave

there comes a day where we both have to leave behind all the beautiful memories and go our own separate ways , leading our own lives.

but i really feel super unwilling to give you up

if there ever comes a time when you look back

i will still be there , waiting for you to come back

its really hard to give up on something when its all you ever wanted.

i am still hanging on , am still waiting.

i refused to give up and let go no matter what happen.

because i still believe. i am hoping for a miracle.

i really hope for a chance.

pretty pretty please?

grant me this wish will you?

i still miss you. yes i still do.

2011-05-22T04:12:00.000-07:00

saw a really sweet scene today

i still cant forget it up to now.

that happy sweet scene really cheers me up

give me this warm fuzzy lovely feeling :)

which convince me even more , somehow ,

that all the more i shouldn't give up

no matter how tough the going gets

i wont give up. not at all.

everything will be worth it. i know.

it will be worth it.

2011-05-20T00:27:00.001-07:00

i will be fine.

i will stay strong

and yes.

everything is gonna be worth it.

i am not gonna give up.

and i wont give up.

smile vonne smile :)

everything will be all rights.

2011-05-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

i am getting really tired.

tired of pretending that i am fine.

tired of pretending that i am happy

tired of pretending that i am okay with everything

really so tired of pretending.

i need a break too.

considering on whether to .... or not.

but still thinking.

i need a htht urgently.

2011-05-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

many things going on

on my mind right now.

suffocating feeling.

i feel like running away

feel like drinking again

still got that cravings for lychee shots

choco martini and other yummy creations

shall head down to timbre real soon

to satisfy my cravings

projects assignments tutorials

lectures interviews research programs

all piling up like mad

and yet i feel that i am slacking and slacking

no motivated to do anything at all right now

still kinda in holiday mood :x

needa really get back on track fast and soon

cts and concert is coming up soon

a period of struggling again.

hope can get through this tough period smoothly.

i need a htht soon.

2011-05-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

sometimes i do wonder

whether is it still worth it .

spent so much efforts and time

doing so much things

and trying my very best in all that i do

yet time after time , i really cant help

but end up feeling disappointed everytime

so many things going on my mind.

tears. uncontrollable.

keep flowing like nobody business

especially at night

is it still worth it ?

is all my efforts still worth it ?

someone convince me please.

2011-05-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

i am unsure.

but i am really that close. to giving up.

my efforts and time. is it still worth it ?

searching for answers still.

i need a drinking session and a getaway.

2011-05-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

2011-05-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

pretty pretty please.

grant me a wish.

i wish that we can go back.

go back to the way we were.

go back to those fun and happy times

where selfishness doesnt exist at all.

pretty pretty please.

will you grant me this wish?

2011-04-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

i wonder ...

whether have anybody felt this way before ?

its like there are lots and lots of people

friends and strangers alike , all around you

in a crowded place , where its can be very noisy and stuffs

but at that moment ...

you feel really isolated and withdrawn from everyone else

you feel like as if no one understands you

nobody is there to lend you a helping hand

nobody cares how their words and actions is affecting you

its like you are all left alone on your own

to cry to grieve to do what you want to do

nobody gives a damm about you at all.

that feeling is terrible.

its sucks much.

this feeling is coming back again.

ever since wed / thurs.

and its really horrible.

lots of sleepless nights again.

hope this period can pass by faster.

i needa get back on track. fast. and soon.

projects are piling up like nobody business.

and yet i am still in the holiday / band mood.

not worried about studies at all :x

i needa change this bad attitude of mine.

god please help me to get through this period.

i need more encouragement and my lovely friends

to guide me through this dark period. blessbless.

2011-04-29T00:20:00.000-07:00

craving for strawberries

dipped in hot choco sauce :)

2011-04-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

this feeling hurts , a lot . to say honestly .

the memories are rewinding itself every time

memories flashbacks

happy and awesome times

hurtful and upset times

flooding my mind every now and then

especially at night

i am turning more and more stubborn

i refused to let go no matter what

cuz i am still hoping for that one chance

it hurts like hell to stay on

it also hurts much to let go

but either way , it doesnt matter

i am not letting go

cuz i still think its worth it

all my efforts and time are worth it

2011-04-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

what went wrong ?

this is the question that has been hanging around

in my mind and heart these past few weeks .

despite several weeks of long sleepless nights

and not having enough rest

i still cant figure out what the answer :(

and so the sleepless nights gonna continue on

for a veryvery long period of time

i guess :(

i been feeling super tired nowadays
sometimes getting upset easily for no specific reason

not to mention the moodswings i been having

severe moodswings ?
i dont know .

there are some times i dont even feel like talking at all

dont feel like doing anything at all

times when i feel like skipping school

staying at home and doing nothing

sleeping the whole day away

some times where i just wanna be alone

some times where i feel like drinking the night away

haiz i dunno what happen either

just feeling rather upset and hurt over some recent incidents

promises . what are they ?

they are not meant to be broken at all .

i just feel so tired of giving so many chances

yet ended up feeling disappointed everytime

好累好累，但我还想给你多一次机会。

因为我相信这一切都是值得的。

2011-04-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

i am tired of trying my best

disappointed , hurt , upset

pain , sadness , confusion

dozens of feelings running through my mind

terrible feelings , making me feel so suffocated

i need a getaway

i need a htht
i need a shoulder to cry on
i am so tired of trying my very best

to hold back the tears

tired of trying my very best to not cry
so tired of everything

if only i could turn back time.

turn back to those times

where i am happier

would you be there for me ?
no matter what happen ?
i doubt so .

the truth hurts like a stab in the heart

i need a drinking session soon please ?

take me away from this awful place please.

2011-03-31T04:46:00.000-07:00

my cravings thats gonna be satisfied this weekend :D

i wanna go drinking , drink martell and choco martini

plus eat yummy strawberries dipped in yummy hot choco sauce :D

cant wait for this sat to come! just one more friday to go! :D

2011-03-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

FORGIVE AND FORGET 。 i will be stronger . i will treat it as though nothing had ever happened . no matter how painful the truth is , no matter how badly it hurt me , i promise , i will be strong ，i will get over it . i will forgive and i will forget . for i still treasure our friendships a lot . i will be strong for sure :) i wont ever give up my passion so easily cuz of a few setbacks . vonne will be strong ，i promise :)

2011-03-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

so people do change afterall

the most hurt and pain that i had experienced

comes unexpectedly from some close friends and people

that i trust and know wont ever hurt me .

but recent happenings proved otherwise .

i still cant forget the messages i received

i have not deleted them away . not yet .

i remembered i was happily having dinner with my friends that day ,

monday in fact , when the messages came in one by one .

shockness , numbness , sadness ,

pain , hurt , confusion , upset

mixed feelings and reactions

towards the messages received

i dunno how to deal with it at that point of time

really wanted to break down on the spot

and really cry and cry and cry but controlling myself .

i still cant believe

that those words and messages came from ya'all .

i still cant believe

that i actually received those messages .

really unbelievable .

mixed feelings again .

i find it so hard to keep up my pretense anymore .

对不起，我累了。

我无法再坚持下去了。

你们每一个人都变了。

变得自私和更为自己照相了。

从我认识你们到现在 …

你们全都变了。

2011-03-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

i need a real drinking session soon please .

cant take it anymore .

i need a break .

i need a getaway .

i need to get away from all these soon .

it aint easy at all .

argh imy! :(

why you werent by my side ?

when i need you the most ?

confused heart , mind and me .

i wanna get away fast and soon .

2011-03-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

i know it myself . its a fact .

a fact that can never be changed .

no matter what happen .

once did , and always will .

it can never be changed at all .

i really miss you much!

yet feels so helpless and useless at times!

like seriously , when i know that

THERES NOTHING I CAN DO AT ALL .

just what can i do ?

to make you change your mind ?

i dont know .

i really dont know .

what should or what can i do .

its driving me nuts , to the extent

that its affecting my daily life .
everything i do reminds of you

and makes it even harder for me to let you go .

i dont know .

confused mind .

confused heart .

and a confused me .

just what can i do ?

can someone provides me with answers please ?

all i know is throughout all the times

you are always on my mind

and i cant get rid of you in my thoughts !

really miss you a lot !

but everything is not going the way i want it to be .

continue to hold on or give up ?

i really dont know .

2011-03-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

有时之中

我仍然还在等待

我没想过放弃你

我也没想过把你忘掉

应为我随父不了我自己把你给忘了

对不起，这一切一切都是我的错

为何我那么固执呢？

是该时候放手了

但有时之中

我的心里面是想着一件事

那就是，我真的很想你。

对不起。

i am still holding on

and still on to that one chance .

may you grant me my wish ?

please ?

2011-02-07T22:47:00.000-08:00

给我多一点时间

我相信我能放得下的
我只需要多一点的时间

和多一点的空间

我累了，真的累了。

对不起。

2011-01-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

我累了。我在慢慢的放弃了。

因为我在也找不到一个理由逼我自己留下了。

我不想在你们面前假装了。

我受不了了。

每次我都跟我自己说不要放弃

我一定会坚持到底

但我现在已经坚持不下去了

我很累。我很辛苦。

我没有能力去逼我自己坚持下去了。

2011-01-20T02:09:00.000-08:00

i wanna get this super cutecute pair of doggies :D

they are awesomely cute ttm :D

2011-01-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

trust , friendships , relationships

it take a very long time to build these up

it can be very strong at times

yet its can be also very vulnerable
it can be destroyed in just a few days

or even a few seconds

its just like a piece of paper

once its crumpled

no matter how much you unfold it

how much you try to iron it straight

how much you try your best to make

it turn back to the original state again

it wont be perfect .

not anymore .

2011-01-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

this few weeks had been a tough period for me

so many things are happening all at once

so many changes and so many incidents

that are really affecting me very much

its all happening one after another

everything just came down crashing on me all at once

so much that i am very afraid that i cant hold on any longer

i really feel so tempted to give up on everything

and just dont care about everything

i need a getaway and have some time to myself

to think through and sort things out

my heart is overburdened and heavy

with so many things on my mind

i am unable to really say out whats on my mind

nowadays been keeping to myself lots

changes is taking place

i am not my usual self

everyone affected is not their usual self anymore

everyone's heart is heavy

with so many upsetting incidents

we have all changed haiz :(

we all need some time to ourselves i know

but there not much time left haiz :(

if only time can be rewinded

and we can go back to the past again

if only we can go back to the way we were

where all of us are still that carefree

with no worries at all

if only we can really go back to the past

how great it would be.

2010-12-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

i want everything to go back to the way we were

2010-12-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

i want everything to go back to the way we were

if only i could really rewind the time

and relive the past again

how great it would be

but back to reality haiz

what is done is already done

there isnt anything i can do about it

i been questioning myself time and time again

whether are the decisions i made wise or not

whether had i really done the right things

whether had i really said the right things

at the right time at the right place

somehow and sometimes

i am rather at a loss of what to do

i am unsure of what the next step i gonna take

or what the next step will lead things or me to

will my next step or decision

make things better or make it worse ?

i dont know.

thinking it so many times through

i still cant get the answer

why ?

i am questioning and doubting myself
ever since that incident

have i taken the wrong step back then ?

thats why everything turns out the way it is now ?

am i really making things worse ?

making decisions is one of the hardest thing to do

whether is it correct or incorrect

either way there will be hurt and disappointment

either way there will be regrets and resentment

its tough to choose and make a right decision

which could have the best of both worlds

each and every one of us is struggling within ourselves i am sure

if i had a choice to turn back the time

and choose my actions all over again

i would hide the truth from you

i would rather you not know the truth at all

i should had just kept my mouth shut back then

so that you wouldnt be so deeply affected by it
i really hate myself for making that unwise decision

hate myself for making you so miserable

hate myself for making the wrong decision back then

hate myself for telling you the truth

hate myself for making you the way you are right now

really regret my decision back then

feeling really horrible inside

whenever i think back

whenever i thought of the scene

that day that room that conversation

its really weigh heavily on my heart

the words that were spoken that night

it left a deep scar

unbearable pain and hurt

something that will follow us

even after a long while

it not gonna go away i know

its still hurting me up to this point

i feel so tired of it somehow

so tired of keeping up the pretence

thats everything is fine

when its not at all

i am sorry

i feel like giving up already

though i know i shouldnt be so irresponsible

we all need a little time alone to ourselves

to think things through

to let go of everything

the hurt the pain the disappointment

if only that could be easily let go of

how great it would be

2010-12-16T06:05:00.001-08:00

NPCB and Awesome Saxys is Loves

listening to Rondeau XXIV

soundtracks and recordings now

and wow wow wow
all the awesome memorable wonderful and happy memories

are flooding back into my mind now :))

i miss the concert days lots!

everything is just so precious to me

NPCB , all the awesome saxys

saxophone music concerts

all mean a lot to me :))

been in awesome saxys for almost 2 years now :))

look how fun our section is hoho :))

NPCB and Awesome Saxys

have given me so much memories

i love them lots hoho :))

2010-11-05T01:45:00.000-07:00

If you are with someone who can make you feel happy,

sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, over the moon,

on cloud nine, overjoyed, embarassed, flustered

and all other feelings you ever felt in your life,

trust me, you need that person .

If you find that one person who can make you feel like

you are totally comfortable with to show all your emotions,

don't let go ! Find a way to always hold onto him / her .

Cause you can hardly find anyone else like him / her again.

2010-11-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

i am really feeling so disappointed

no words ... or nothing

could rather describe my feelings

and how i am feeling inside now

i am feeling so terrible inside

feeling so suffocated

i really dislike this feeling

am not feeling very well

having a headache

but feel like coming online and bloggy :)

sometimes i feel really tired

hanging on this relationship

i feel so suffocated

i feel so terrible

i dont feel like doing anything at all

i feel like avoiding you

i dont feel like seeing you

cuz everytime i see you

i am reminded of what happen

the hurt the pain the loneliness

the suffocating feeling

everything seems to be going wrong

i really dont have the energy to continue on

i feel so restless ... felt that everything i do

all my efforts all my help are not being appreciated

i tried my best ... my very best in fact

i just wanna make memorable occasions

for us to remember as time pass by

but why does it just seems so difficult ?

everytime problems just seem to crop up

every now and then

and you dont even care

and i am just left alone to solve the problems

sometimes seeing you so stressed

i really feel so useless you know ?

cuz i really wanted to help you

but we are like drifting further and further apart

i wanted to approach you

just to help you out

but i am not sure how to

cuz i fear how will you react

i feel very scared

everytime when i see or sit beside you

that feeling is terrible

its really suffocating

i dont feel like committing myself to this anymore

i feel like giving up can i ?

let the moments speak

you will say i guess

shall give ourselves sometime off

to think through things i guess

till then i will still hope for the best

cuz its the type of things

i really do not want to let go of at all

understand ?

PS: ILYS :)

~ the memories you given me ~

~ are irreplaceable ~

~ cuz thats what love is all about ~

2010-10-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

i am so tired
tired of everything

as much as i try my best

to not think about so many things

to not dwell on the past so much

i just cant stop the many fragments

of memories and moments

flooding back into my mind

everytime i am alone

everytime when i flipped through the photo albums

i really just cant help it

but to think about the past again

theres so many things on my mind

i am tired of pretending

pretending that everything is fine

i no longer feel like acting in front of you

i dont wanna pretend that i am happy

that whatever you are doing

doesnt affect me in any way at all

i am tired of laughing

tired of pretending to laugh along with you

tired of pretending again and again

i am only human

not superwoman

i get tired and sick too

i have feelings too

i am having such a hard time

holding on to every little bits and pieces by myself alone

sometimes i feel so useless and upset

why i cant control myself and my feelings ?

i dont want our status to change

maybe falling in love with you is a bad bad idea

all along we are best friends

but i guess while i am still your best friend

i gradually start to fall for you ...

and thats the start of a mistake

how do you expect me to feel ?

to see you falling in love with somebody else

is not something i wanna see it happen

especially when its just happening right in front of me

i tried my best to let go

but somehow ...

everything around me

seems me to reminding me of us

i am not sure why either

maybe i am just overly sensitive

maybe i am really thinking too much

what if one day

i really feel like giving up ?

i feel so tired

i thought of giving up before

but its just that i dont have the

courage and strength to give up

everything changed so much

ever since we first met

it had changed

everthing changes sadly though

i dont like changes

libra people dont like changes

and i had a hard time adjusting

and adapting to changes

haiz thats a typical libra

but you are the reason

why i still hold on

why i still push myself so hard

just for that one chance

even though you may not notice

but oh wells

i will still wait

~ concert band, saxophone, music ~

~ the passion the loves the strength ~

you gave me all these :)

i will never ever let it go

no matter what happens

~ i will never let go ~

2010-10-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

(ps: ignore the date posted on top cuz its not accurate one =/ )

its 27th oct today

tiring wednesday

but oh wells school started already

and its the 3rd day le

but yet i feel so shag and super tired

as if i had been attending school

regularly for a few months like that =/

1st day of school went okay i guess

1st lesson ~ bcomm

and we already gotta do the project le :(

and this sem is my most unlucky sem of all

during my time in np

cuz i didnt get into the class i want

and worst of all

i ended up taking ief

the killer module :(

i opted for fit during the ranking exercise earlier on

and np had to allocate the modules

according to their own rules

didregarding our preferences :(

i feel so cheated whenever i thought of ief haiz =/

what can i do ?

ief lecture was definitely boring to the max

i kinda fall asleep i think :O

but my brain is still functioning haha xD

cuz my notes was scribbled all over

with notes here and there xD

funny much xD

oh wells there school tomorrow

and my lessons are mostly starting at 9am everyday :(

i am having a hard time adjusting

to wake up early in the mornin

to prepare for school =/

cuz i am used to sleeping and waking up late already

due to the longlong holidays haiz =/

feeling super shag everyday

that i think i kinda turning into a zombie soon

haha =P

oh shall update more about studies next time again

shall bloggy about other stuffs now :)

2010-10-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

its been a "short" while

since i last saw you

yet i know i still miss you

its the type of things

the type of stuffs

the type of relationship

i know i will never be able to let go of

cuz it still means a lot to me

though i dont know what on your mind

i hope it also means a lot to you too :)

for i am still holding on all the memories

if only sometimes

backspace do really work in real life

how nice would it be ?

the memories you want to replay

you can do so :)

the memories you want to delete

you can also do so :)

its would just be perfect isnt it ?

but in real life

its not meant to be like this

everyone changes

me you her will change

but sometimes

changes are quite difficult to accept

at least for me

i dont like changes

i always have a hard time

adapting to all those changes

cuz i know i will still keep on hanging to the past

but sometimes holding on might not be good too

for i am not moving along at all

but just stuck in the past

you moved on quite easily

i didnt move on at all i guess

oh wells :)

but i am learning to let go already :)

with so many stuffs and workloads on me

i guess its really a good time

to forget about the past and move on :)

you had moved on

and so should i

even as much as i dont want to :(

we might be happier

if i regard you only as a friend and nothing else

but somehow

i really feel so reluctant to let go

seeing you together with her

is definitely the worst moments of my life

but i should to slowly digest the facts

and accept all the facts

cuz i know thats there no point forcing you either

oh wells

shall try my best to move on :)

and keep myself occupied with friends band and studies hohoho :)

at least i wont think so much anymore :)

ps: music and band is the element that brings both of us together :)

thats why i love band and saxophone so much :)

IMY :)

2010-10-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

the top 10 signs

that you are in love with somebody

i am experiencing all 10 signs

are you ? :)

2010-10-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

having a tough time here

to get back on my feet

after so many things had happened

i dont think i can take it anymore

so many things are running on my mind right now

its only 10.18am

and here i am awake

blogging and using msn

cant sleep at all

slept at 2am+ yesterday

and had only 7hrs of rest

its gonna be a long day ahead too

for today and tomorrow

i reached the limits already

i have to admit

i feel like giving up

i feel like going away

i feel like avoiding you

i dont wanna do so many things for you

yet ended up feeling leftout and unappreciated

i dont like this feeling

many a times

all these thoughts keep popping up in my mind

i feel like a 3rd party

i feel so suffocated

i hate this feeling

i dislike it

its making me feel really miserable

the incident that happened

in secondary school

what happened between me him and her

i could not forget it after all

try as i might

i am having difficulty letting it go

cuz the pain and hurt

is already deeply embossed in my heart

making it even more difficult to let go

he the first to break my heart the hardest

and i had a really hard time getting by

but it happened so many years ago

actually i should have let go of it right

but history is repeating itself again

you are the 3rd person

to break my heart the hardest

i fell for you so badly

that not a day goes by

that i never think of you

So Sorry

but to say honestly

you are always are on my mind

i keep thinking of you

hoping to see you

i wanna know what ya doing

how you getting along

yet i wonder at times

whether am i even on your mind

in the first place ?

have i ever crossed your mind ?

you have crossed mine so many times

that i lost count of it already

thinking deeply

nights are the worst timing

of the whole day

cuz lying on my bed

the house is so quiet at night

and my mind would start to wander aimlessly

and naturally those thoughts

that i painstakingly hide away

in the darkest corners of my heart

starts to flows out again

making me think and think again

thinking of the past

thinking of the present

thinking of everything

that we went through together

its meant a lot to me

but i am not sure though

does all the memories meant

anything to you at all ?

i dont wanna be the only one

hanging on to all the memories

by myself alone

its so miserable to be doing that

i dont wanna lie to myself anymore

and i dont wanna your lies too

all i really wanna do right now

is to talk to you

laugh with you

do everything together

thats how we should be

isnt it ?

i cant let go at all

so sorry

i really really miss you much :(

just hold my broken heart

with your hands

and i will be fine

you are still on my mind

throughout this whole period

2010-10-01T00:51:00.000-07:00

why is history repeating itself all over again ?
am i too sensitive ?
am i taking it too seriously ?
i think yesterday was the worst feeling you could ever make me feel :(
i am really tired =/
maybe i should just give up ?
and stop all these nonense from getting it to me any further ...
feeling so overwhelmed with emotions right now =/

2010-09-25T02:26:00.000-07:00

woots back to bloggy today :)
haven’t blog
for such a longlong while already
my last post was dated 22nd aug
haha xD
more than 1 month back xD

its 25th sep already
exactly one more month
to school reopening
on the 25th of oct

whew =/
so fast time just passes by =/
but oh wells
at least still got 1 more month
to do my own stuffs :)
better than not having enough time :)

its sat today ...
1+ am going to 2am already
thank goodness
weekend is finally here whew :)
no need to wake up at 7am
just to go to work work and work haha =P
like normal weekdays

need to really get a goodgood rest
and recharge myself
gonna stay at home all day long today
gonna have a goodgood sleep
sleep all the way haha xD

cuz haven’t had a good rest
for the past weeks
exam stress
burning midnight oil
worries
too many stuffs on my mind
tiring work

whew =/
all these stuffs really tire me out
and left me feeling very lethargic
as time drags on haiz =/

so after blogging finish
gonna sleep straight haha =P
hope I wont get disturbed
and woken up by my family members
early in the morning
lolz =P

work
============
@_@
working is never easy

oh wells …
managed to find a job last week
as a data entry clerk / admin assistant
at choa chu kang cc
at mind stretchers learning centre
hmmm its a tuition centre
for pre-school and primary school students

anyway i have to key in all the students

and their parents info
on both microsoft words and excel
prepare double copies of every record
whew =/

thank goodness can copy cut and paste
all the repeated info haha =P
if not dunno needa type until when
then can finish all the records
I cant imagine that situation man =/

woots man
its really tiring
having to key in endless amount of info
filing in thousand of records
punching those records
sorting those records in order
checking those records accuracy
calling up the students / parents
to verify their personal particulars
putting all the records neatly into those big arch files
packing and putting them in the storeroom

wow all these work and so much stuffs to do =/
its enough to make me go crazy =/
my back is aching terribly
hands are so tired and numb
after typing in records after records
onto words and excel

working on weekdays
monday to friday
doing the same stuffs continously
everyday really tire me out much =/

and my workstation is not that big either
keep knocking myself
on to cupboards and stuffs everywhere
my poor toenail is now bruised
smallsmall blue-blacks all over me lolz xD
i so careless haiz =/

oh wells …
still got a few more of works to go
hopefully by next week can start to
slack a bit and do lesser stuffs
though i doubt so i can =/
see how it goes first then :)

cant wait to receive my pay
at the end of the month :)

money makes me motivated to do better
haha xD
shall save up money
and buy stuffs that i also wanted to buy
but never did cuz of money issues :)

yay cant wait for the end of the month to come :)
5 more days to go before wed :)

school
==============
year 2 sem 1 is officially over
like just 2 weeks ago
with my last paper
ending on the 8th
took 3 papers in total

HRM - 3rd sep
CMA - 4th sep
FMGT - 8th sep

HRM paper was okok
except for one qns
Q3 i think
where we had to relate all the
hrm concepts, definitions and elaborations
accordingly to the qns
got stuck at this qns
cuz not sure of how of exactly
how to answer straight to the point
yet including all the important points inside
and that qns is 20marks =/
if i am not wrong

but HRM paper this year
was easier though
as compared to all the past year papers

attempted the past years papers
while doing revision
and all the qns is tougher =/
so thank goodness
the paper I took was easy
whew :)

CMA paper was all rights too
found it quite easy to do
as all 4 qns was rather straightforward
no need calculate much stuffs
except for the total amount and
and a bit of calculation here and there
managed to finish the paper within 2 hrs
just nice :)

andand …
FMGT was the killer module and paper =/
this paper quite tough
tougher than expected
I remembered
Q4 and Q5 were the toughest qns of all
cuz is the last few chapters
combined into 2 qns

time value of money (tvm)
came out as expected
needa calculate the pvif, fvif, pvifa and fvifa
of the stated amounts
according to the tables provided
haiz spend close to half an hr alone
doing this qns =/
managed to do finish all the parts
but not sure whether did i do
correctly or not though =/

capital budgeting 1 , 2 and 3
came out as well
as Q5
also another tough qns
for some parts
doing up the budgeting table was easy
should be able to score marks for it
but the next few parts was not as straightforward
requires some time to really think it through
and figure out how to get the answers

haven’t had enough time to do this qns =/
cuz spend close to 1hr 30mins
doing all the first 4qns
did Q5 last
in the end had to forgo Q5 last part

if i not wrong
think i didn’t do part D
marks flown away le haiz =/
but hope still can get marks for part A to C
and the budgeting table
hope i got the correct answers :)
at least can score some marks for that

had another 3 more other modules
that are non – examinable

ECD, EBA and EVM

ECD is like mostly about
running a business
teaches us all the business comcepts and stuffs
had only 1 common test
and had to set up a bazaar at downtown east
and write a pre – bazaar report
and a post – bazaar report
and had presentations as well :)

doing the bazaar was kinda tiring
having to stand all day
and attract customers
and walking around trying to sell our stuffs

but sales for our stall was pretty good
Honey, Alicia and I is in one team
had lots of fun learning
how to make balloons
do face – painting
do glitter globes
do sandart

we managed to make a bit of profits
but not enough to cover up our total expenses though
cuz we spend quite a lot on all the materials and stuffs
close to around $100 to $150
if I not wrong

woots just for that 1 day bazaar O.o
but oh wells … its worth it
haha :)

our Kids Playhouse Stall :)))

oooh and EBA is like a repeated module version of ITB
almost the same stuffs
like setting up a website
and ensure every link can work
and that the website can be viewed
we set up a livejournal account and blog
and sold the I Love NP hoodies
sales were good haha =P
manage to sell off around a hundred hoodies

now we in the idea and process
of coming up with a new tshirt design :)
hope sales will be good too :)

lastly EVM
event management
an I&E module
was pretty easy
since no tests and exams or anything
we only had to come up with an event to do
run the actual event smoothly
and do a presentation
tada and we are done !
lolz xD

Honey, Audrey and Xinhui and me in a team
we did cycling at east coast park
with 10 friends of ours
cycled for like 2 – 3 hrs
before resting for a little while
ended at around 7pm
had much fun cycling
but tired after the event ended
haha =P

woots that my 6 modules
for my 1st sem in year 2

woots results will be released soon
on the 1st of oct
which means next friday =/
so fast omg =/

omg waking up to see a message from np
and seeing your results
that feeling kinda horrible
and that sms is send at 9am too =/
early in the morning

and i start work at 9am
omg hope my results wont dampen my mood that day =/
hope i pass all modules
and hope this sem results can
help pull my gpa too !

did the year 3 specialisation option exercise
and internship choice exercise during sem 1
not sure whether can i make changes to it or not though ?

i chose the 6 months local / overseas internship
hope i can get the local internship
i dun wanna go overseas
and work as an intern for 6 months
all along in one foreign country =/
if with friends its still okay
but imagine if you all alone
in one foreign country ?
thats really miserable :(

and another point is that
i don’t wanna miss out
on band stuffs too !
i still wanna perform for all the upcoming
band concerts de okay ! :)
band is loves <3s

NPCB
=============

been in this lovely band for 1 ½ years already

so fast O.o

kinda unbelievable O.o

during this whole period i guess

ever since i entered NP

i been focusing much on band

and not that much on studies haha =P

but i never regretted it at all :)

joining band in np was the best choice i made :)

i was thinking

if i never join band when i first join np

what will i be like now ?

i guess my life in np would be pretty mundane and boring ?

everyday would be about studying and reading stuffs

lolz xD

and if i am gonna graduate from np

the memories i would cherish the most

would be about band

and all the wonderful memories

all the experiences

all the concerts and performances

that we performed for

NPCB had given me so much things

so many memories

so many nice moments

its had taught me many things too

so many new musical stuffs

that i never learned before while in YCMB

wow was really impressed by all my new learning

and really appreciate each and every thing

i am kinda hoping

that year 2012 wont come at all

cuz its gonna be a dreadful year

for me that year

i am upset thinking about it

for some reasons :(

there just so many things

going on in my mind right now

year 2012

would represent my last year in np

when i would be year 3 already :(

i really don’t want that year to come at all

cuz its not only means

that i will be graduating from np and entering the actual workforce

but its also means that i will be graduating from NPCB

to become an alumni :(

and not the main band member :(

i guess for every year 3

and for me as well

i would be very afraid

to hear to hear the words Rondeau Concert

and thats this concert is coming up soon

and we are preparing for this concert soon

cuz Rondeau Concerts

will represent each year 3s last concert in NPCB =’’(

as a senior

and a graduating band member

after my first year in band

i am really starting to dread

every upcoming Rondeau concert

cuz its means after the concert

every year 3 will step down

and concentrate on their studies and final exams

no more going back for usual band pracs

no more of holding and playing your most favourite instruments

no more of setting up of instruments

no more of washing mouthpieces

no more of taking and washing of new reeds

no more of taking the 66 chorales, the 3D Band Book and the green files

no more of tuning up, warming up

and adjusting mouthpieces and embouchure

no more of playing nice wonderful musical pieces

OMG !

i really cant imagine

what would happen when year 2012 comes ?

i think i would really be very upset :(

cuz i would be year 3 by then :(

year 2012 would represent Rondeau XXVI

the 26th Rondeau Concert to be held

and Rondeau XXVI would also means that

its gonna be the last concert i would be performing in

my last time holding my precious saxophone

my last time performing as a saxy

my last time getting to participate in such a grand event

its really upsetting me very much :(

its year 2010 now, sep already

year 2011 is coming soon

which also means that another Rondeau concert is coming up

Rondeau XXV Concert is said to be on the 16th jan, a sunday

but the date might be changed to 22nd , a sat instead

so its still tentative

hope we can manage to book a good hall for this concert

with Victoria Concert Hall closed down already

every band is rushing to book Singapore Conference Hall

we didn’t manage to book it cuz of the mad rush

so hope we can manage to get our request

to either use the LYC concert hall or UCC approved asap

so we can make the necessary arrangements and preparations

Rondeau XXIV was held at SCH, on the 9th Jan

its was both a memorable and upsetting concert

memorable and nice and fun

as saxys did very well for all the pieces

especially for Domus, Michael Jackson Hits and Grease

and of course for other pieces as well :)

yet upsetting

as this concert represents

Vanessa’s ( aka Vanvan ) last concert :(

really upsetting us so much :(

the saxys gathering at band room

the handmade card made by all the saxys for her

Glad that she love it :)

all the wonderful memories still in my mind

as if the concert had just happened like just last week !

miss her much !

hope Vanvan can come back band soon :D

perform for this upcoming concert okay, Vanvan ? :D

perform with us , the most awesome saxys yay :D

Rondeau XXV Concert coming up soon :)

but yet again its represent the year 3s stepping down :(

after the concert :(

for all saxys,

Tony, Leonard and Cruyff are all year 3s aleady :(

which means they are stepping down too :(

i really dun want them to step down

but what can i do ? :(

i hope to make this concert the most memorable for them

cuz i know that they will be upset about it too

must really treasure this chance and do my best

and make sure that they have a fun time

and their most memorable concert ever ! :)

year 2010 – Rondeau XXIV

year 2011 – Rondeau XXV

year 2012 – Rondeau XXVI

( my turn to step down =''((((((( )

i am feeling very emo and upset thinking about it =/

upsetting me much =''(((((((((

haiz=/

but sadly though

time wont stop for anyone

its just gonna go on and on

i know that day will come

no matter how much i dun want it to come

thats a much sad fact :(

woots anyway

i got a few great ideas in mind for jan concert already

shall discuss it with Sherlyn, Eddy and Henry when school reopens :)

we gonna make this upcoming Rondeau Concert

yet another most memorable and awesome concert i know :)

simply cuz SAXYS is the MOST AWESOME ONES :DD

right :DD

woots anyway

we had our SIBF competition 2 months back

on the 23rd July 2010

at RPCC

its a friday

i still remember :)

6 saxys performed in total :)

4 altos saxys ~ Daniel, Leonard, Haikal and me :)
1 tenor saxy ~ Henry :)
1 baritone saxy ~ Hazmei :)

attended band rehearsal at around 2pm
set up saxophones, warm up, tune up
and played the 2 pieces over and over again
to make sure we played it at our best :)

our 2 competition pieces :
~ March Willing and Able
~ Paris Sketches

March Willing and Able
a marching piece
i love the beginning and the slow part in the middle
woots we played this piece for Rondeau XXIV =))))

Paris Sketches is a very nice piece
wow I love this piece much :)
4 movements in total :)

2 wonderful pieces composed
woots feel like playing these pieces again :)

oooh and i played alto sax
instead of tenor sax
the feeling is simply awesome !
woots after 1 year of playing tenor sax
i finally get to play alto sax :)
had so much fun playing alto sax :)
all the nice melodies and solos
wow had so much fun really :)
but i needa switch back to tenor sax
after the competition though :)
cuz not enough alto sax for me :(
but its all rights :)
tenor sax is good too :)

anyway after the 1st rehearsal
went to quickly change into full u
had a quick dinner with saxys at makan place
and back to band room for rehearsal again
warm up , tune up and practice for the final time
and time to pack up and move all the stuffs
onto the 2 buses and going to the rpcc

after alighting and moving all the instruments and files
rested for a little while
before setting up all the instruments
and moving all the cases onto the bus again
warm up and tune again
after around 30mins
then moved in the rpcc tune – in room
warm up and tune in again

woots and so fast NPCB turn
to play the competition pieces
played March Willing and Able first
followed by Paris Sketches
wow 20mins like just flew by ?
feel like we haven’t even started
and we already played finish
the 2 pieces in 20mins O.o

after finishing
waited for a little while
and moved out into waiting area again
packed up our saxophones
and load them onto the bus again

and met up with all deary Saxys :)
Vanvan, Tony, Lingli, Yiyang and Shermaine
came to support us :)
chatted and played with them :)
take lots of awesome photos :)

stayed for a little while
and then sadly
have to go back school le

reached school back at around 9pm +
unloaded and packed up everything
in the band storeroom
then reported back in the band room
for debrief and waiting for the results to be released

woots 10pm came
results released le !
NPCB attained High Silver for the competition :D
woots yay man ! :D

though we initially aimed for a Gold
but its all rights :)
we got a high silver too :)
close to gold also :)
Good Job, NPCB :D
for all the hard work put in :D

oooh and also
Special Thanks to all the Awesome Saxys :D
Henry, Hazmei, Daniel, Leonard and Haikal :)
ya’all are really awesome and great
Thanks for always showing good attendance
and playing your best during all the practices, rehearsals
and during the competition itself :)
for all the hard work and efforts ya’all put in
during intensive months of band pracs :)
love you saxys to bits haha :))

lets give it our all and also do the best
for all the upcoming concerts too yeah :)

SAXYS IS SIMPLY AWESOME ! :DD

* all photos can be found on facebook :)) *

2010-09-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

IMY

i miss you very much

there so many things running on my mind right now

stuffs about you

stuffs about her

stuffs about me

stuffs about us

stuffs about both of you

stuffs about me and her

i guess i am really at a loss of what to do

i been thinking and thinking about all these things

all over and over again

its just seems to weigh my mind and heart down

nagging at me the whole day

there nothing else to do

in order to keep my mind off

apart from work work work & work

and of course

not forgetting band :)

been attending band pracs every monday, thursday and sunday

since holidays started

everything about band means a lot to me

its my passion

my loves

my favourite cca

saxophone

everthing is seriously just awesome

yet on top of everything

as much as i tried my hardest to forget about you and her

i just cant

know why ?

cuz everything about band reminds me so much of us

while playing my saxophone

every bits and pieces

every memories

all the fragments of memories

which i painstakingly kept and hide away

in the darkest corners of my heart

starts to come out

starts to fill up my mind and takes up lots of space again

questions keep hanging around in my head

memories and pictures of you and her

keep flashing around in my head

i guess that a price for pursuing my passion ?

but no matter what

band and saxophone is still my loves :)

no matter how tough is it

i will still make music, band and saxophone

the most important part of my life :)

many times

when i keep on seeing you

for the past few weeks

i really have lots of stuffs to tell you

have lots of qns to ask you

wanna ask you how are you

what you doing now

how you coping with your studies

and stuffs like that

but i just dunno why

everytime i see you

one is either i will get very nervous

become tounge - tied and just say hi - bye to you

two is when i am not nervous at all

i already gathered up my courage to talk to you

i would find myself feeling extremely disappointed and hurt

cuz you are with her

and i would just walk off alone

and stay quiet and not talk at all

many a times

i really wanna talk to you

tell you my heart - felt feelings

yet everytime

we just couldnt really sit down

and have a real HTHT

haiz =/

everything happen for a reason i know

sitting down beside you

in that special room

that row

that seats

playing music together with you

its really was the happiest moments of my life i swear :)

on one hand

i am really happy

that at least we get to know one another

that at least we still have lots of chances to perform together

but on the other hand

i am upset

cuz whenever i see her too

i just feels so upset

hurt disappointed

and jealously i guess ?

though i know i shouldnt

harbour feelings of jealously

but this feeling just kinda overwhelmes me

whenever i see you and her

sometimes i have to admit

thats there times when i just feel like

ignoring her

not talking to her

but i know its wrong of me to do so

just because of you

i guess my feelings of jealously

hits its highest point

on thursday ?

when i meet you

and you were with her

and you told me that you meet up with her

and came back together

wow the moment you say that

i really did felt so jealous and unhappy

upset and disappointed

and walking all together

i just dont feel like talking at all

while you were talking with her

i was just listening to your conversation

so many times i wanna say something

but i held it back cuz i just got no idea of what to say haiz =/

thankfully a few mins later

we reached the band room already

and started to play again

that silence really scares me much

haiz =/

its happen countless times already

that somehow or rather

i lost count of how many incidents like this happened before

so many times i guess

thats i am tired of it already

tell me the truth please

is all my efforts worth it ?

i feel so down and disappointed

that everything i do for you

all my efforts and help

are just not being reciprocated at all

i tell myself that

i shouldnt do this do that

yet everytime in the end

i still end up doing it

yet not even given a word of thanks

and she even had to come into the picture somemore haiz =/

i dunno ...

i just feel so upset angry jealous

oh wells all the typical feelings

tired already

you have changed i guess

from the very first time i met you till now

we kinda drifted apart too i think

i just cant think of what happen

when oct comes

will you do the things i expect you to do ?

i doubt so ... shall see what you do then

oh wells ... not gonna dwell so much on it first

i gonna do some other stuffs

to keep my mind off you

till next monday i guess :)

* does wishes made at 11:11 come true ? *

* miss you much *

2010-08-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

2010-08-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

2010-08-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

Letting Go Ain't Easy At All

i dont know what should i do ?

to continue the way we are now ?

i guess i had and really did

fell in love with our friendship

i am at a loss of what to do

and somehow feeling very very scared

very very much in fact

i really really miss you a lot

i am so sorry

i cant convince myself to let go still

its just so difficult to do so

2010-08-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

2010-07-28T03:47:00.000-07:00

i miss you
very much <3s

2010-07-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

experiencing this right now =/

2010-05-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

have i made the right choice?

i am beginning to doubt myself now

i once told myself

that i will give up

give up on you

give up on some things

that won't have any results

give up like totally

i promise myself so many things

promise myself that i will give up

promise myself that i will find the courage and stength

to let you go

to forget you

to not remember everything thats related to you

i promise myself

that should i see you and her together again

right in front of me

i won't be jealous

i won't be unhappy

i won't be upset

but the problem is that

promises are meant to be broken?

i can't do it really

i am sorry

i broke all the promises

that i promised myself to do so

i cannot take it any further

yes i am jealous

i am unhappy

i am upset

i am hurt

i still can't let go

and i dun wanna let go at all

its really hurts much

when i see you both together

its really hurts much

when i get this feeling

that i am left in one corner

its really hurts much

when all i want

is not mine

you know what

i really hated myself

hate myself for not being her

hate myself for not being pretty

hate myself for not being slim

hate myself for being so fat

hate myself for being everything so

i am having a tough time

not to break down and cry

cuz i want it so badly still

that i am losing my senses

and unsure what really going on

around me nowadays

dun look at me like that

you won't understand

just because i am laughing and smiling

doesn't means i am happy

just because i haven't break down and cry

doesn't means i am not upset

just because i never say a word

doesn't mean that i dun have anything to say

its cuz you have not turn around and look back

to you i am just a friend or rather someone

to whomyou only say hi and bye

but to me, you are not ... get it?

but somehow i am really glad

thank goodness there a cca called the concert band

if not i would not love band so much the way i love it now

i would not have known how to play saxophone

i would not have performed in so many concerts and performances

the best part about band is that

at least there still that connection between us

hope we really will get to perform together for one last chance

though i know its maybe impossible

i will try my best to delete all memories

to forget all those that happened in the past

its time to move on

you had moved on

so i should ... as well

bless me i will move on for sure
strength and courage

let it go vonne! let it go!

its time to let it go once and for all:)

i wanna find this chance

where i can get hold of

100 purple helium balloons

and go to a special place

make a hundred wishes

and then let go of all the balloons

into the beautiful sky afterwards
=))))

will i be able to do this =)))

2010-04-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

* i miss you *

* i really do *

* miss you much *

haiz :(

2010-04-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

found this picture online! :)

~ awesome photography skills ~ :D

2010-04-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

do you know ?!

that its very hard to to stay strong

to stay cheerful

and pretending that everything is all rights

to trying your best not to break down and cry

when everything seems to be going wrong

and nothing is right ?!

maybe yes

i am still hoping

for a miracle to happen

though in my mind and heart

i know that it may not happen

my wishes will maybe not come true

but still, here i am,

wishing wishes upon wishes

that what i am wishing for

will come true one day

feeling so tired and upset

for day by day

as hopes sometimes get low and high

every few moments

i am thinking about

whether is all my efforts worth it

will it be appreciated

there are really manymany things

that i really wanna do for you

but after thinking about it again

i am not sure as to whether

will my efforts and all the things i done

will be appreciated or not

and more often than not,

i ended up doing it

yet somehow or rather

it went unnoticed

it went unappreciated

and it just left me

hanging there

with nowhere to seek comfort

can i have proper answers

to all the questions

that is going on in my mind right now ?!

i been really trying to figure it out

but always turning up answerless

these questions have been just

hanging around my mind so much

that i can spend hours and hours

in silence at night

thinking and figuring it now

more often than not,

ended up not sleeping

and just mulling over my thoughts at night

these few days

i been really thinking of

trying to open myself up

and talk to you

and somehow ...

finding myself wanting to confess

all the things that i have hiding from you

finding myself really very tempted to say

some heartfelts words to you

but i am really scared to say it

cuz we were and is still best friends

i dun wanna spoil the current type

of good friendship that we currently have

for i worry that you would start avoiding me

and hanging out with me less often

i dun want, in the end,

because of my words,

we started getting further and further apart

because we would both be so awkward

when we meet up other times

in the first place,

it became like that

because you actually let me

appreciate how good is it to have

a special one by your side

i have to admit

i still can't let go

i am sorry

you made me look forward

to those days really

and it will stay that way still :)

~ so sweet ~ :)

2010-04-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

its 2.17am now!
and i am still awake and blogging
this will my 2nd post of the day :)
as continued from the previous post! :)

and oooh
this post will be
specially dedicated to special someone! :D
someone special whom i treat like my sis!
the bestest friend ever! :D

Hope you like this post of mine :D

you know ... sometimes its quite hard!

to meet someone who have the same birthdate as you!

to meet someone who was born in the same hospital as you!

to meet someone who also plays and loves saxophone!

hohoho xD

Deary Sassy Vanvan =DD

i was so surprised and happy

when you told me about how similar are we!

hohoho

we were both born on 9th October 1990

same year, same month and same day

born at mount elizabeth hospital

we both play saxophone! :D

and we even took the same course in np somemore!

haha xD
so nice! :D

everything like the same! :D

its been almost a year

since we known one another

and time passes by so fast yeah?! :(

another 1 more month and 3 days

soon its will be 25th april 2010 :)

the day where we meet and know

one another for the first time :)

during the band tune-in session! :)

i still remember

first time we met during the tune-in session

i thought you and Tony were a couple

hohoho xD

my mistake xD

after that during lunchtime that day

then i know the truth xD

was tricked by somebody!

haha xD

oooh tune-in session was really fun!

the games we played

the gathering in the band storeroom

where we were assigned saxophones to use! :)

the playing of songs :)

still remember tune-in session

ya'all wore the black jazz tshirt

and i was like wow!

ya'all must be saxophonists!

heehee ^^

took our very first section photo that day :)

almost all of us was there :)

except for some saxys

who joined band late :)

after that
all year 1s were active in band :)

section dinner!

section outings!

HTHT!

animal games!

all those moments of funs!

that certainly would be remembered and cherished forever!

~ 9th January 2010 ~ Rondeau XXIV Concert ~ :DD

that day came super fast!

just a night before,

we were at queensway

collecting the saxys hoodies :D

18 in total :D

hohoho xD

then we were at ikea having dinner

together with Lingli :D

ate meatballs, chicken wings and fish & chips :D

we were the last to leave!

remember ?!

haha xD

and of course!

the stay at the loft!

all saxys having fun!

all saxys wearing the special hoodies!

taking lots of piccys!

playing poker cards!

taking funny videos!

HTHT!

where every saxys almost

slept late or didn't sleep at all

haha xD

9th january came super fast!

reached SCH at around 1pm

settled down and stuff

set up saxophones and prepare files

and having rehearsals and practices!

warming up!

and soon dinner time!

where we took piccys again! :D

and concert time was here!

7.30pm!

and all saxys were all excited!

playing Domus!

playing Michael Jackson hits!

playing Grease!

each and every piece was well played!

you did a great job for your solo, Vanvan :D

its was nice!! :D

and as time always passes by so fast

10pm came!

and we were rushing to get out of the hall!

and headed back to school soon after! :)

while back in school,

we had a hard time controlling our emotions ="((

all those tears and hugs!

the presenting of our gifts to you!

and the presenting of your gifts to us! :D

Deary Sassy Vanvan, you are now in your 3rd year of studies already :(

of course! how i wish we could just stay like how we were like now forever!

hope for you not to graduate!

hope for you to stay on in NPCB and SAXYS forever!

but i cannot be so bad to have you retain right ?! :)

after graduation, you might be going uni or working already :(

and we would have lesser chances to meet up :(

but of course!

i would always organise saxys outing! :D

to have fun :D

all the outings we had!
first is the band tune - in session
then the band practices
the botanic garden outing!
soon, after, Ripieno concert!

~4th July 2009~ Ripieno concert ~ =DD

our very first concert together!
all saxys performed! so happy! :D
and our section were quite big yeah!
with 13 saxophonists :)

had a really great time that night!

Vanvan, we gotta let ya know that
wherever you are, and whatever you are doing,
ya will always be a part of us :D
and of course, not forgetting the rest as well!
Lingli, Weiren, Yiyang and Jefferson :)

ya'all will always be a part of SAXYS !
SAXYS is LOVES !! =DDD

WE HEARTS YOU LOTS !! ^^

must come back more often okay!
make time for your lovely section! :D

our very first section photo!
Ryan, Leonard, Henry, Eddy, Hannah, Amanda, Sherlyn,
Huaiyi, me, Ivy, Weiren, Vanvan, Tony and Cruyff!
=DD

~ 25th april 2009 ~ band tune - in session ~
* the very first day we all met another * =DD

our second section photo!
though only got the 9 of us turning up for this outing
but its still super fun =DD
the animal games, the HTHT
at botanic garden :D

oooh Vanvan =DD
i hearts this piccy lots!
both of us look so nice here!
hohoho xD

this was taken at SCH,
where we went to support Jefferson
for his concert =DD

Rondeau XXIV concert ^^

thats very special day! ^^
9th January 2010!

a day where somehow,
all saxys were dreading and yet looking forward to it
at the same time :(

dreading it cuz we knew that
that day would pass by very fast!
from 7pm to 10pm!
and as it would be your last concert together with us ="((
and we rather the concert never to end!
wishing for time to just stop!
at that very precious day and moments!

but yet looking forward to it!
cuz we were super happy!
that all saxys can play for the concert together once again!
to play all the pieces well!

Saxys played really well!
for all songs!
especially Domus :D
Michael Jackson hits :D
and Grease! :D

these 3 pieces were really the highlights yeah! =DDD
and we played really veryvery nice ^^

this picture was taken during the intermission!
super nice :DD

hearts this piccy lots! :D
though only got the 5 of us xD
Shenlynn, Sherlyn, Eddy, me and Vanvan =DD

ps ~ Eddy is one lucky guy! haha xD

Vanvan, all these photos is so nice! :DD

all these photos were taken after the concert ended!
were missing a few saxys though :(
but nevertheless, still as nice :DD

we took around 200 photos
on the concert day itself!
hohoho xD

i had a really nice time! ^^
flipping through all the photo albums!
looking at all the pictures that we took!
remembering each and every happy moment!
the 2 concerts we performed for!
the songs we played!
all those section outings!
all those practices that we had!

all those moments that we had together
as the very best and sassy and sexy section!
and all those lovely memories!
will certainly be kept in a special place in my heart!

i certainly didn't regret joining NPCB
and becoming a part of this lovely section!
and becoming a saxy! :DD

i did had one regret though
which is i never really get any chances
to perform alongside you
playing alto sax together with you
cuz i was playing tenor sax!
for both concerts! :(

but there will be chances right ?! :DD
next time you come for practices,
maybe i can play alto sax :DD
provided there is enough alto sax
for me to use :DD
hohoho xD

oooh! andand!
Thanks lots, Deary Sassy Vanvan :D
for your lovely present!

your lovely present is really nice and meaningful! ^^
you given each of us this Little Miss and Mr books :DD
i got Miss Giggles xD
hohoho xD

its really such a meaningful gift!
of the books as you give us our titles
according to our personality!
heehee ^^
and its really suits us a lot!
heehee ^^

and of course!
the sweet message card you wrote for us! ^^
i was really super touched!
when i read the message you wrote me!
i will always keep it with me! :DD
its extremely precious!
hohoho xD

was guessing you must have had
spent a long time and much efforts
doing all the presents right ?!

Thanks lots, Deary Vanvan =DD
its super sweet of you! ^^
WE HEARTS YOU LOTS !! ^^

section photo! :DD
so nice! ^^

this photo was taken outside band room!
after we pass you your present :D

Hope you love the card made by us! ^^
all the photos pasted on it! ^^
all the messages we wrote for you! ^^

oooh! and Deary Vanvan,
this is yours!
your shiny alto saxophone!
:DDD

you will always be welcome back!
to play and use this alto sax! :DDD
hope you can come back more often! ^^
will miss you for sure! :DD

ps: we will see one another soon yeah!
lovesloves! ^^

~ SAXYS is LOVES ~ =DDDDDDDDDDDD

2010-03-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

found this picture online

while surfing the net! :)

its look so sweet!

i like! :)

hmmmhmmm ...

i been thinking about a lot

a lot of things nowadays!

been staying at home more often!

ever since holidays started :)

not counting those days

when i had to go back to school

for band of course! :)

and also been staying up late

almost everyday

using my lappie!

to surf the net!

to blog!

kinda haven't been really able to like ...

get a really good sleep nowadays!

not sure why though! =X

today got this sudden urge to blog

about all those stuff

that have been weighing down

on my mind the past few days!

did thought of finding someone to talk to!

but she kinda busy with her studies right now!

so wellwell ... decided to come online!

and bloggy :)

you know ...

sometimes i do wonder

whats wrong ?!

am i going crazy or something ?!

or am i just wishing for something

that could never happen

to happen to me ?!

sometimes,

as days and months pass by

its getting harder and harder

to cope with the simple fact

that wellwell ...

you and her are still together!

i mean like ...
maybe its just me

just me alone

who can't let go of everything

who can't forget about all those stuff

who can't forget about every thing that had happened

who is still hanging on to something

so desperately that she herself

didn't even realize that

she is losing herself

sometimes

i am also not sure why

am i hanging on to somethings

that i know i am better off letting go

i dun think

anybody would be like able to

really understands

how much its hurts

cuz nobody else would be able to

like stepped in my shoes

like seriously

haiz ="(

somehow

i keep thinking back

to all those times

those pasts

those happy moments

how much we used to see one another

almost everyday in school

and of course that room!

almost everyday

the some times where we do things together

all those happy moments :)

hearing all those nice songs

nice melodies

nice pieces

somehow ...

there are many memories tied to it

and really ... kinda made feel like going back to the past

that i could go back in time

where everything just started

i tried to stop thinking! really!

i dun wanna admit to myself

and anybody else ...

that i still feel this way

turning in late every night

waking up early every morning

theres always sure to be one thing on my mind

and i knew thats its wrong of me

to be still missing you

whenever i try to convince myself

thats its time to move on

its time to let the past

finally become a past!

maybe i can say that if there is a chance

maybe i would really be stupid enough ?!

give up everything i have

to be everything we are not ?!

i guess maybe its really my mistake

to fell in love with you

fell in love with the great friendship we have ?!

sometimes really

i am tired of pretending

pretending that everything is fine

pretending that nothing is wrong

and in front of you

smiling and acting like

the cruel fact is not hurting me

tired of trying my very best

to hold back the tears

and just walk away

whenever thats feeling

just get too overwhelming

sometimes i would really

wish for a day where

you finally sense it

and ask me whats wrong ?!

even if i were to lie

and says that i am fine

says that nothing is wrong

i would wanna hear you say
"tell me the truth"

hmmmhmmm ...

to have something halfway and then to give it up

is harder than not having it at all

sounds true! :)

do you know

missing someone isn't about how longs its been

since you last seen someone

missing someone isn't about how longs its been

since you last talk to someone

missing someone is about ...

some moments or times

when you are doing something

and wishing that

that special someone were right there with you :)

at that very moment :)

last note!
holding on to something might make us strong!
but sometimes it will requires us to be much more stronger
and courageous to just let go and move on! :)

~ goodbyes will always hurts ~

~ pictures can never replace the true feeling of being there ~

~ memories, no matter good or bad, will bring tears ~

~ and everythig happens for a reason, really ~

~ i am still here ~

~ wishing upon stars ~

~ every starry night ~

~ with loves ~

* yet knowing that higher my hopes are, the greater my disappointment *